I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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