we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house