Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.