okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber