i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
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If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
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Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again