I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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