nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
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July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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