...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
