I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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