I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
