I swear she didn't look like that last week.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
