Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
