I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am one with the molecules
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
