dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
