Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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