you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
