Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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