Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
