In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
