Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
then he tried to convert me to islam
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
