Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
