found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
