I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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