Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
