Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
