I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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