She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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