It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
