Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
