I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
