Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
