u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
