I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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