Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
