he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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