I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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