FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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