Betty ford says i'm here all night
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
