and you said cock pushups were impossible
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
