Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
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We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize