Whatcha textin bout Willis?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
