you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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