ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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