would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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