im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
