We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
