You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize