i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
