I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
