my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
