I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
