Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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