I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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