I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize