with your own penis?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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