I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
3 2 1 whiskey
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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