you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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