Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
