i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
