I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize