Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
